Marine Corps Stories - Just Jokes
Search our 1000+ USMC stories.
- USMC superior training
- Once upon a time or so I've been told, a SGT was sent to Marble Mountain w/ a req for some extra beer from the flyboys. While he was waiting for it to be loaded, he helped himself to the the tap left unguarded (only the flyboys would be this trusting) behind the bar. After enjoying several pulls, he went to the head to give back some of the borrowed beer. When he entered there were 2 bluebellies already at the trough. Since he was a large capacity Marine, he didn't finish until …
Read More - In The Head
- You may have heard this before. However, a couple of decades later while in the San Diego airport, waiting for my flight, I can't believe I actually had the presence of mind to remember it when a young, just graduated from Navy Boot Camp, seaman saw me leaving the urinal straighaway to the exit, I'm sure, noticing my 3rd Marine Division ball cap, and made the remark... it was priceless, and I still wonder at my ability to recall and use it. A young Seaman and a Marine PFC were …
Read More - SGLI
- SGLI Richard Mullins This guy needs to go straight to recruiting duty. Private Jones was assigned to the Marine induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the SGLI …
Read More - Never Ask a Gunny
- NEVER ASK A GUNNY... Richard Mullins A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, …
Read More - Dirty Ernie
- Dirty Ernie Robert Heitman Sgt. USMC 1978-1982 Dirty Ernie was playing in some shit, when a Marine Corps PFC. saw him and said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing with that shit? Dirty Ernie replied "I'm making a Marine Corps PFC." The PFC. ran off and got his Corporal. The corporal said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing? Dirty Ernie looked at him, grabbed some more shit and said "I'm making a Marine corps Corporal." The Corporal ran off and got his Sergeant ... the Sergeant said "Dirty Ernie …
Read More - To Prevent Media Bias
- ...to prevent media bias... Robert Heitman Sgt. USMC 1978-1982 News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?" Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowl …
Read More - Recruit Gone AWOL
- Recruit gone AWOL As the sun rose over Paris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?" The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day …
Read More - Dear John
- Dear John Marty/Mary Koepp The ultimate response to a Dear John letter... You gotta love a man like this, Humor in the face of defeat. A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his …
Read More - Generals’ Meeting
- Generals' Meeting There was a brief meeting of several Generals and an Admiral. The Air Force General said, "I think I have finally found a way to show you true guts. Airman, come here!" The airman trotted over and came to attention with a brisk, "Yes, sir?" The Air force General said, "Airman, climb to the top of that flag pole". "Yes, Sir," came the quick response and up the pole he went. When the airman reached the top, the General told him to jump. The airman shouted, "Yes, Sir," …
Read More
