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Never Ask a Gunny

NEVER ASK A GUNNY…
Richard Mullins

A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

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To Prevent Media Bias

…to prevent media bias…
Robert Heitman Sgt. USMC 1978-1982

News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?" Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowl full of hot, spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine." "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, the Iraqis were dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?" "What!?" said the Marine, "And have you assholes call ME the aggressor?"

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Recruit Gone AWOL

Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Paris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

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Dirty Ernie

Dirty Ernie
Robert Heitman Sgt. USMC 1978-1982

Dirty Ernie was playing in some shit, when a Marine Corps PFC. saw him and said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing with that shit? Dirty Ernie replied "I'm making a Marine Corps PFC." The PFC. ran off and got his Corporal. The corporal said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing? Dirty Ernie looked at him, grabbed some more shit and said "I'm making a Marine corps Corporal." The Corporal ran off and got his Sergeant … the Sergeant said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing? Dirty Ernie looked at him, grabbed some more shit, and said "I'm making a Marine corps Sergeant." The Sergeant ran off to get his Lieutenant. The Lieutenant said "Dirty Ernie what are you doing? Ernie looked up at him and said I'm making a Marine Corps Sergeant" The Lieutenant looked at him with pride and said "I thought you were going to say you were making a Marine corps Lieutenant" Dirty Ernie looked at him and said "No Sir, I don't have enough shit!

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Dear John

Dear John
Marty/Mary Koepp

The ultimate response to a Dear John letter…

You gotta love a man like this, Humor in the face of defeat.
A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

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