Boot Camp Hog Boards

Submitted by: Ed Aldridge

When I was in MCRD, Parris Island in April of 76, I experienced one of the most harrowing experiences of my life but at the same time one of the funniest.

We were in the 6th week of training and we had just put up a hog board (a bulletin board with pictures of our girlfriends wearing bikinis or less) at the front of the squad bay, just outside of the Drill Instructors quarters.

Everyone had sent home for pictures and that include the DI's. The only time we were allowed to view this was in the evening just before racking out. It was a sacred board and the DI's had told us so. They told us if we looked at it any other time before the allowed time that there would be dire consequences.

So one day the DI locked us all up at attention, on line, and he went into his quarters which was a small room that had Venetian blinds around it, which were closed. We had been bunked in alphabetical order. My name started with an A so I was the first in line. The guy next to me also started with an A and he was second. This guy had the attention span of a 2 year old. His eyes and body were always wondering around.
I noticed, through my peripheral vision, that he had gotten fidgety and was looking across my body at the Hog board (which was positioned about arms reach from me).

All of a sudden all hell broke loose. The DI came out of his quarters screaming. He threw his clipboard halfway down the squadbay and went straight for my eyeballing buddy.

The conversation went like this:

What in the Hell do you think you are doing, Alexander!?

Nothing Sir

Don't lie, maggot. I know what you were doing. Would you like to tell the rest of the squad , you sh!t for brains!

No Sir, Private did nothing Sir!

Oh, so now I am a damn liar trying to make a victim out of you

No Sir!

Were you not eye f*****g my wife?

No Sir!

So my wife is not good enough for a maggot like you?

No sir ???Private doesn't know sir???

Son, you have just made my death list! Drop to the ground and give me pushups until I am exhausted!

Then he came up to me and got within an Inch of my face and asked me if I had been eyeballing his wife. I answered no sir. He asked me if, during free time I had noticed his wife and I replied yes sir. He asked me if I wanted his wife. I replied, yes sir, she is the hog I desire most on our board, sir!

He didn't laugh, but it took a lot of effort on his part. On graduation day he said it was that moment he knew I was going to make a fine Marine!